He is a manipulative control freak!!! Everytime she comes picks up the kids, these feelings come up. So, I called the number and it was a female his age. I confronted her again, all she did was cry and say Im sorry, but never answered what she was sorry for, I had to walk away before I punched her. I screamed at him why? I welcome your thoughts. For women, relationship happiness is paramount. On my way in I ran in to a mutual friend who asked me where my husband was. Narcissists won't usually admit to cheating on their partner. I confronted him n he denied saying she meant before I came into his life. Any advice? I asked him numerous questions about his new secretary His reply, give me a break,shes 28 yrs old. Of course I got upset & he said that Im over reacting. Always. I loved him I wanted us to be okay. I never thought Id be the other girl but it happened and I hope him and his wife get a better emotionally connection. It is a cautionary tale, dont get upset, or insecure over these things. Well I broke it to him that if we are going to work he cannot hurt me anymore because if he does I will walk out and he can never get me back. A sign your husband is lying about cheating is the frequently used words on his phone. He is in some way, lazy in life, except for work. my questions are, is he cheating or not? The internal struggle , the tug of war between disgust-rage-pain-humiliation- rejection and fear- love- desire- want- need is enough to kill you. My dad was an alcoholic and kept my mom in total domination. He still thinks iam the other woman. He lied about bills and got us into a lot of financial difficulty. 1: Make Sure He's Actually Cheating On You. When I approach him, while he is looking at his iPhone or texting on it, he immediately puts in sleep mode and inserts phone in to his pant pockets. My hiusband claimed to me he had all these messages on his facebook from her, when i asked hm to show me he said no im not showing you anything, my defense was because your lying and there are no messages (Which the chick did tell me there are no messages- BUT how did my husband know that she has another facebook that isnt on his friends list) So yet again I snooped through his phone, the picture was deleted, and i even got to see his facebook, NO MESSAGES!!! I then asked if he knew where they may have gone? I love my Husband so I too dont know what to do. And no amount of talking and making excuses will cover up the fact that we chose to stay with a spouse that cant be trusted. But thats my life. I have been with my husband for 4 yrs.. We dated for a year before we got married. He swears they only had a friendship and is not nor ever was attracted to her sexually. This is a painful but good talk to watch: https://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_rethinking_infidelity_a_talk_for_anyone_who_has_ever_loved. I think this is why Im writing on this forum now. If i ask him he pretends he hates her so much coz of what she did to him in the past. He always wanted to please her, he always offered to help her with her class-works (even to his own hurt). Other red flags include: he put a lock code on his phone (he has something to hide), he is not intimate physical (he could be getting it elsewhere, or might get it elsewhere in the future) if u have kids he could be trying to keep the dead relationship for the sake of the children it sounds like maybe you should consider talking out your problems and if you dont get the answer you are looking for, things remain the same, or you find yourself unhappy all the time, consider living apart for a while and rebuilding your self esteem (pamper yourself, hang out with fun friends, focus on looking your best at all times even when alone, just have a huge mancation and seek to repair any emotional setbacks that you have experienced from your marriage). How are is it so sure? But he wont. My husband finally admit to me that he had an affair after 37 yrs of marriage. Almost all cities have some type of free counseling available, even if its just talking to a pastor at a church. Im sorry I cant answer everyones comments! Hi all, I am with my husband since we were teenagers (17 years now) and married 7 years we have no kids. There were just too many loose ends that were unexplainable or the excuses just didnt really make any sense. But saying that Monogamy is unnatural for all humans cant be factual. etc. Write down the answers. Why I still love him I dont know, but I am at a loss. He says it was just curiosity of knowing how it felt to be with other women, but now he knows it was not worth it. I just dont know what to do or think anymore. 2 years ago he was checking my cell messages in the middle of the night during his affair with her. I literaly have to beg him for a little extra money from him for our child, he works for the rail road, so I know he has the little bit of money that I ask for from him which normaly I dont ever ask for no more than maybe 50 dollors, but I only ask because he uses the car when he gets home and when he goes to work he leaves me with no emergency money and leaves the car with no gas, and with a baby thats just not good for either of us. That was a couple years ago and the past few months I have a very uneasy feeling that something is going on. If you accuse him habitually of cheating or have insecurity issues and take them out on him and he has been patient all along, he would begin to get upset once your accusations are amped up in intensity and start to happen everyday. But you Teresa have not described any circumstances or evidence that leads me to think your husband is cheating. We are pregnant with our first child. Im constantly searching for clues. He also is defending her and said I dont know her so I can call her a home wrecking whore. What privacy does a husband deserve FROM HIS WIFE? Some of these people I have never met, not in 20 years. now that I look back on things that happened, I realize he may have been cheating on me the whole time. can anyone tell me if my husband is cheating or am i having the wrong feelings. Im not one to share my emotions so this is a big step for me. Fact is, I simply dont trust any man. I dont think its stupid to fall in love with a man, trust him, and believe that your marriage is healthy and happy. Listen honey, right now you cant think your way into right living, but you can live your way into right thinking. But why should you have that many pictures with one person? i trust him but not her.. reasons i thought she was my friend but she wont respond back from calls or texts from me. He chooses to protect his cohorts and hide the truth, swallowing his lies. His wife had cheated on him almost 8/9 yrs ago & they have stayed together. I wasnt sure of the details but I know he deletes all texts and calls on his phone, hes told me so advice for wives, check the phone bills if you feel the need to if you see a phone number you dont recognize that is being called or text constantly, times you arent with them- thats suspicious, do some research on that. They won't take responsibility for their actions because it makes them feel as though they are out of control and vulnerable. When I questioned my husband who this young lady was he said that its one of his co- workers sister and that the meet her through him. We have been together for 8. The problem is we get along great then out of nowhere he needs spacedoesnt need me around 24/7. When he seems to be enjoying himself the most, ask him whether or not he's cheated on you. (anything more than that, will be icing on the cakeGod willing! Sometimes when hes not at home I just sit and cry. It is crazy when we dont do the thing that we know and feel is right. You deserve better than settling for less. We talked about it and it was made clear that it was due to other factors of the current living situation that had nothing to do with each other. Then by nightfall, apparently he was tired and more than 2 weeks without sex is unfair and its more unfair to me that he fell asleep on me. My prayer for you is that you find clarity and insight, and that you make a decision that feels right to you. You deserve to be loved! So i have no support and feel as if they have turned there backs on me. WHY me? He would get overly mad when I bought her up. When i eventually threatened to leave him, he left his job, but to this day, there is no kissing, no intimacy and in public he makes sure he is far away from me, so he never has to hold my hand or anything i am so hurt. I guess love really is blind, its just im on a fixed income i dont make much money, I get government help, but if I leave him, How on earth will me and my baby make it? Why are you wasting what is left of your youth on a man who is interested in other women? He accused me of nagging him, disrespecting him, not trusting him! The problem is that we had moved and my husband had a new job when we got divorced. I confronted him about the texts and told him I wanted to end our relationship, but he is adamant that nothing actually happened (he admits to leading the girl on via text but maintains that nothing else ever happened between them). All the lies have created a huge canyon between us. I have brought up that I am suspect of him cheating, and he gets very angry and defensive. You dont know how some woman reacted. One night at a bar we were all outside on the patio when I noticed them gone, went inside, they were dancing she had her backside to him and he was grinding all over her. If he wasnt having an affair before you could just be driving him to one. or read Is He Cheating? I really do love him I just dont know how I could ever get pass this. He doesnt want to get a divorce because of the kids. I feel like he is leading a dual life like having two families. He was the perfect husband and dad, caring, helped around the house, gave me surprises every know and then, that is why I never suspected it, and now I am totally confused and do not know if i should give him an opportunity thinking he will never do it again. Yet, other times he gets angry, cussed at me, tells me I need mental help and that Im crazy for accusing him. Scientists are studying a cheating gene, which involves decreased levels of vasopressin. Those issues were merely symptoms. Their affair behavior was based on their wants and needs, now it's time for them to consider you and your marriage more than themselves. Train the mind to stay focused on what your doing and not to allow it to wander to negative thinking. I am a very jealous person, so I am always asking if hes cheating or doing other stuff, But here lately it seems worse. Narcissists won't usually admit to cheating on their partner. Its so difficult when we suspect a guy of lying about cheatingthe least he can do is be honest about it! Has anyone ever thought that everytime a spose is with someone of the oppisite sex, it could be very well not as bad as it is made out to seem? All because i wanted to keep a spark in our marriage. Ultimately, if you feel my husband acts like he thinks . He said that during the time he and she were emailing, he felt guilty because he knew it was wrong and was going to let it phase out because it seem to be. I finally took the kids and left first of March. The same goes for a woman who discovers a cheating husband and leaves her marriage. 2. Hes a piece of garbage.we get it. I found texts to an ex girlfriend where he sent pi of penis and dirty texts like wish I was there in bed with u Id keep I warm. my husband is having an affair and he is denying it, My husband is cheating and denying it all the time. Send him packing! I was 16 and he was 18 when we started dating. Feedback? His affair has shattered my heart into pieces and then to blame me and steal my inheritance I got because my whole family has passed away is something I never ever would have expected of him in my life. so months and months go by and before i know it and realize it has been a year already and nothing has changed so i start telling him he either need to choose who he wants to be with me or her and he swears up and down that they dont have sex they dont even sleep in the same bed that he sleeps in his kids bed or in his chair i didnt belive him then one night he tells me that she is pregnant 8 months pregnant and we should call things off and of course dumbass me said no it has been this long we can get through this if u really love me so now 2 months later she has their 3rd kid little did i know that was going to make it harder for him to leave because he kept swearing to me that after she had the baby she was getting a place of her own. The more you learn about other wives experiences and how their husbands lied about cheating the more insight you might have into your own marriage. Let the other person deal with that drama. nor any guy because of my past that every boyfriend that i hve ever been with has cheated on me. May you find the right person or people to support you as you journey forward. We been together 3 years married for 2 i hate that she thinks i am cheating it i understand why she thinks that but i am not. My cousin lived with us for one year as house helper, after few months i suspected something between my husband and my cousin, like they sometimes look for each other without telling me the reason, one time we were on vacation and he went home because his reason was of that our business, and one time i saw him running after her when she was about to go home, and many more,. To be honest I cheat and always will. I worry, he might be cheating on me as well (reaching out to other women). Also - wrapping legs around leg of chair is a sign of restraint, of holding back, and not being honest. I have to show every sign of happiness towards him or he will try to make me feel bad. My prayer for you is that you do not let this man deceive you the way he has deceived other women. I ask him what were they talking about he said she need to give me some papers. I kinda wish the chit would have hit the fan. She had a problem with this becuase where ever we went, there were people that knew me, so i decided to take her out of town where this would hopefully not be a problem. I dont think Im over. Hi i been married for two years almost three.My husband is nice to me but he spends too nuch time a lone in the other room watching sports.everytime i want to talk to him he seems like hs not interesting on knowing my day.he works in an office with 4 girls i seen them and they look attracted. So I have NEVER suspected my husband of cheating til recently. has always included me im everythig we r like bestfriends.up untill about a month he says nothihg is going on but i am so sick 2 stomach. He now says he never loved me. I need help! I have entertained this woman before and she has even been around my kids. HE WENT BACK HOME TO HIS WIFR IN N.C. AND LEFT MEH IGH AND DRY. TRUST YOUR GUT AND PRAY THE HOLY SPIRIT WOULD REVEAL ANY DARKNESS TO YOU. I finally got ahold of him at 4:00 a.m. and he says that his phone died. ive told him it makes me uncomfortable but he says n acts as if he doesnt care or tells me i dont trust him. I do want to believe him and stay with him the only thing is, Im afraid of being cheated on again. Affair Strategies for a "Long Game". Theres so much more. Stay hopeful, stay connected to people who are supportive, and stay connected with God. But thats NOT YOUR FAULT. He says he loves me, needs me, wants me but things just arent working. (I was raised from a Christian home with parents who are still together to this day.). Im so confused, I feel like hes giving me mixed messages and its leaving me feeling unsafe and not secure with him. You will find the repeated number with dates and time. Any advice would be appreciated. I have since uncovered lots of other information which proves him and her are guilty as charged! He had taken her on a vacation when I thought he was on a golf outing!! He knew I wasnt lying as he researched himself and told me the truth. Well I posted a Meme on my snapchat saying its sad we live in a generation where a female will pass up on a single man just to pursue a married man bc she likes the way he treats his wife. We have 2 children together which are now teens. The thoughts that went through my mind drove me insane. Well Im going through a tough time now to be because I found out my husband was Saying I love you and other intimacy stuff to another women on his gmail chat but he says he Was just saying it to make her happy I dnt love her he says how do I believe him ? Its crazy-making. The study found little difference in rates of infidelity reported by men and women (23 and 19 per cent, respectively). Can you start moving on now even if its just by looking for your own place? He already walked out if hes not there for you; how many more years do you want to waste, go running and you will be much happier, how much more are you willing to take a big part of your life is gone for years cause he hasnt been there. He tries to put it back on me saying Im paranoid. I cant trust anything he tells me even when he tells me that he lies to me to protect me because he loves me. When he came back he begged for me to get back with him. i have questions on how to chatch me cheating husbans. I know how you all feel. I never lie and always tell her every time. Even now after three months he says he is physically not attracted to her anymore. He would want to leave all the time. Hey anonymous, pretty sure thats my husband your venting about. He gets angry, swears its a lie, and doesnt want to discuss it anymore. Then came the phone bill. Well little did he know he had already tould on himself. Im sorry to hear that your relationship has taken this turn, and you cant trust your husbandit sounds like youre hurt and confused. Part 2: Not Getting It. Wives know their husbands; if he changes how he normally talks or behaves, then he might be cheating or lying. He pays rent for both of us. It hurt. Hes always gone on his off days early in the am til late in the pm and on his work days he dont come home after work. Does the woman saying something to me mean anything? He gave me her number, even though I was so angry I knew I would be able to get much information out of her if I wasnt calm and didnt play the part of being calm in this matter. Stupidly, he had paid for her bag, and when you open up details, passenger name was right there!! I held him because it hurt more to see him broken and more devasted than me because well Ive been cheated on before you know. Worst Things to Do When You Dont Trust Your Husband. The advice i wil give to you guys stay focus and think deep in your heart what you want if you want to suffer for the rest of your live or you want trust, bright future ahead. You deserve this break to clear your head because while you are there you will go crazy trying to figure out why this and why that when no answer really seems plausible. We get sick ourselves being with someone like this because we are codependent. Why arent you guys married, after more than four years together? Whats this really? my boyfriend and i have been together for 6 years and we just had a baby girl dec 2012. i recenlty found conversations of him talking to other girls on facebook, one being my so called best friend. Now I am getting these emails. It not just the direct lies its the stories and the elaborate effort he makes to hide his lies. To avoid potential loss - their marriage, their kids, their home, their finances, their social standing, etc. Hi I am not married but my bf and I have been together 2 yrs and have been friends for 14 yrs he was resently divorced right before we got together. Check it out it could really help if you think your husband is cheating, but he wont be truthful. Theyll survive and bounce back kids are resilient especially if you maintain a healthy, strong attitude. Hes very insightful and honest with me. Two days after he returned to work and stopped at her relatives house where she was. It sounds like you and your daughter are very close! Ask Yourself if You Want to Stay Married. Maybe it would have been to have enjoyed sex together more or spending more time as a family as well as date nights, or things like that. A couple of months ago he decided that he wanted to go on a diet and shave his gotee. Hi, I am at a loss for words. I confronted him and lied and said that someone saw him at the hotel. I still kept finding little signs of their contact and all along he was telling me Im crazy. So bottom line, to me it looks like Mother Nature makes us that way. Men with this should NOT get married. When he is home, I dont even get acknowledged anymore its like no matter what I feel like Im bothering him. I found condoms in his shaving kit which of course he tried to say theyve been there for years. After he has these sexual encounters there are signs. When that isnt satisfying enough when the spark of that excitement wears off then it progresses to meeting in person, dinners, drinks, hotels, etc. He geta defensive when I ask small questions. He replied by asking why. You deserve a man who is like you, NORMAL. Went to use my lap top and he was on earlier but due to a fire call, oopsie he forgot to log out! I think he uses people to get things that he wants. I wanted him to hurt the same way I was hurting, but I didnt want it to affect our kids. But theres been a few times I have had a strong guy feeling he is cheating on me. I am sorry, Remy, and I can relate to your situation except mine was my husband of 30 years. It sounds like it was very difficult to live through that marriage and shocking that he wasnt the man you thought he was. He always travelling, telling me he gonna go for work, but in the middle in the night he doesnt want to answer my call? Im not his mother. Its difficult to be in a relationship like this, especially when ex-wives and children are involved. His phone is his personal property, but to consider it off limits to his wife is ABSURD! Youve caught him cheating three times. I cant tell you how you should or should not feel. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. how do i find out? His been acting different lately. However he was late getting home from work a few times about 25 minutes. But dont blow other things out of proportion that could have other explanations! He was surprised, and hurt that I would entrap him. I go to his facebook messages. Im such a bright educated woman yet Im so alone. Like when we have financial issues he sits me down and always reassures me that we will make it through it. I felt like the STUPIDEST woman alive!! If you suspect your husband is cheating on you and lying about it, why dont you leave him? I use skype for videocalling mainly and with the people who really matter to me a whole world. What do you think? Now. He refused to stop communicating with her. A short time after moving in I discovered he had made contact with an ex (had promised he would not do this again with her.) He also admitted that he had been regularly deleting his FB history but that he was careless this one time and forgot to do it. I thought or assumed that was his issue most his life. Some are free, some cost money. I know better than this. He told me okay i promise it will stop. But I did find a really interesting book about men who cheat, and I wrote this article: Is He Cheating? But I dont think he has ever had an encounter with another woman. my oldest daughters father cheated on me 5 times. The best thing is to get evidence, so you have something solid to confront him with. One time I was looking at his little notebook where he always write numbers and letters about what he did at work, but then I saw this name Vanessa written twice in that notebook. If you happen to be in the Muncie/Indiana area, and his name happens to be Donald then Hi!! Anytime we go anywhere, she follows or shows up. He jokes with me about things, nothing specific, but I just have this feeling that he hides talking to other girls from me. He obvious does not have intent to stop. Dear Cris, thank you so much for being here! Tip #1 Casually Discuss The Topic. About 3 months ago(2015) on a Thursday morning at 7:50am in the morning my husbands cell phone rang while we were being intimate. I think Manhood can also be defined in other ways.One time he told me he had someone. Could that have been another lie added to it? After questioning him more about who friended who on Facebook, his answers changed. When he came back I asked who was he talking with and he said the sister of someone we know well. There is no magic formula or tip that will help you get over your fiances cheating. We are dynamic creatures being women. He said he loved me and he didnt want her, but I think it was because she was married with kids and I think if she hadnt have been he would have been off like a shot. In March of 2011 we attended a local event and she was also there and several other friends. I have been married for 2 years. Finally arrives the moment for us to meet again and this time we stay together. I do little special things for him. to women he knows casually, just as friends I have pages and pages of correspondence through the years with various women, that I think is just inappropriate (lets meet for a day at the beach etc.) Is lying about cheating is the frequently used words on his phone is personal! You feel my husband had a strong guy feeling he is leading a dual life like having families. 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