my boyfriend's ex is still close with his family

I think if he had been so great they would still be married. I went to counseling to sort out some similar issues and it helped me, it might help you as well. I left him and my mom says that I should have known what he was from all the years he did me wrong!!! His mom likes his ex. Thanks FAMILY. It is sick. They just want everyone to get along. Invite your family but not the ex. And yes during the divorce he insisted on counseling and was told that he was narcissistic. That what that kinda sounds like. That means holidays & special events are divided. Im finally reuniting with my adult child soon and a grandchild that Ive never met. When I told him how I felt he told me he considered my ex to be family and basically disregarded me. My two kids and I celebrate holidays with our friends. Yet she has my Ex over to fix her house and he has playdates with my nephews. by Kelli Ann Apr 10, 2018. Learn to be committed, hos. He has my family. I have tried to ignore all this, since I dont want problems in my life any, yet, here I am, 3 years after, and she still makes her ex a part of her life, although she tries to hide it, she makes mistakes and I end up knowing of her cordiallity towards her ex. I wouldnt have dreamed of honing in on my exes family. I remember my x perents really liked the old x. From the description in this story, the family is going WAY beyond being cordial. They said they wanted to remain impartial (which was bad enough) but then they spent hours sympathising with him, spoon fed him information that caused him to behave more abusively to me/the other side of my family and basically said I was exaggerating etc and that it was all in my head. I havent spoke to my 2 sisters in 4 years. "If your partner tends to make late-night calls to his or her ex after you're asleep, it's because they have an intimate relationship that doesn't include you, Masini tells Elite Daily. When i got divorced my ex got onto FB(which he had never shown any interest in) and friended my brothers sisters bils sils neices nephews anyone that he could so they could gather round him and support him. It hard, its frustrating and it hurts. Shame on him for thinking its okay to do what he is doing. The sons Mom keeps asking to go to the events, and they wont tell her no. You are v welcome because it has taken me 3 years to really understand how toxic these kind of people are with many periods of tears and self doubt and I think that says it all. Divorce just hurts. I talk to friends about it and they all have there thoughts of the matter. She was sending his ex $2000 to help her out,then moved his ex across country and into her home. So much that you willing to cut off anyone who love him. Im sorry I call it SHITY SUPPORT!! Im so disappointed in them. Its just plain abusive and although it hurt like hell and still does at times; I dont think I could ever have anything to do with any of them again. My sister invited him over to her house and they all played happy families for quite a while until he went over to Thailand. I still have to tell my daughter that even though they are aware of what he did to her, they invited him to weddings we will now miss. You should ask yourself and be honest as to why you dont like being around him. What adult children need to understand through their breakup is to beat the consequences of their decisions to marry and human weaknesses( whatever caused the breakup) And if not, a lot of people like bowling (me, in particular), so you'll find plenty of other people to be friends with. If it was mutual, your fault, his fault. It may say something more about you than your ex. It didnt. They have already hurt you and now you need to stop re hurting yourself with that hurt if that makes sense. He would not leave, so I needed to go. When I separated from my husband I lost his family, who Id always adored and mine too. I was married to my ex husband for 14 years when I found out he was having an affair with his secretary. Her family even shows the Signs a Family Member Doesn't Like You to you. You left him, he didnt leave you so thats just kind of too bad for you, he was willing to stay, you werent. I immediately filed for divorce. Suppose her stuff is stacked in boxes in the aisle. I get along with my brothers ex wife still, we message each other once every 3 or 4 months. The older children cant stand any of them and say they are jeoulous of me . Thank god she has a conscience. they knew the extent of his violent temper and yet my parents who are against everything he was involved in, would visit him in jail. My brother called me to let me know this was going to happen. Youre their (blood) family. Exactly the same thing happened to me about 15years ago, my ex could not let go after our separation and divorce, her manipulative behaviours destroyed my family relationships and I am now cut off from from 2 of my siblings. Although I have forgiven my self, my ex and my family and prayed to God to help me forgive and forget. My ex and I are still friends and her mother and sister love me albeit I dont share the holidays but I stay in touch on occasion and after 20 years of being in that family why shouldnt I. Even if you have to open up and be vulnerable they are your family at the end of the day and should listen to you. We were separated and my ex stayed with my brother, that was a terrible idea. Whats up with that? My family knows about all of it; yet their loyalty to him in his sheeps clothing is disgusting! I was tired of being hateful. I went through my divorce alone, all the while thinking how lucky my oldest sister was to have her family stand behind her, emotionally (the most important) and financially in her divorce. Why did you leave him, did he do something or was the enotions just gone. "They were nice people, almost like pseudo-parents," she says. No sane man wants to make his girlfriend insecure. I feel compared even though my boyfriend . I see this is the old post but I HOPE someone answers! I understand that this was his second family who he spent over 2 decades with and loves dearly and him wanting to stay close to them, however his ex and him are not cordial with each other at all. Very naive and gullible. Whatever. Not cool. I found out several years later about this. It is heartbreaking. Let them know it makes you uncomfortable and hurt that they keep embracing him as part of the family. My daughter divorced about 7 years ago when their child was about 2. Recently, She also got a new boyfriend so was no longer in need of our services. He did take my kids when they were younger, but they find it so weird they have stopped indulging them and refuse to go. Your family sounds healthy in that they did not pick up your offenses. You divorced your husband! },{ By this time my ex was going thru the motions of pretending to want me to get back with my daughter, but it was smoke and mirrors. Never!! Invite them. I was closer to his mother than I was ever to my own, but his family has cut me out completely. },{ But that was not my fault, but I still look at it sadly.. Add your answer to this question! Perhaps talking to your family and your ex about your feeling would be a good start. I actually hope you can heal and be happy. Shame on you. When I have him he ALWAYS knows where he is and he knows I dont have anyone else around him. Their parents will always have a connection and shared duties because they are still their childrens parents but you should be her priority over the ex. I thought family stuck together. I hope the OG can either solve the situation with her folks and ex or let go of the pain. Prayers for all of your victims of this horrible act of disloyalty and betrayal. I am a very private person. You should be okay that he talks to them, but you should also make a point of asking him to include you in the conversations in future. You may not value me but I value me! There is no way any of us would have turned my back on her just because they were divorced. On the other hand, my daughters father, who I didnt marry, is still extended family to my whole family and Im still family to his. I never did anything batshit apart to leave a man who I found out since day one had been manipulating my good nature. I didnt even get an invite! You will always see him at graduations and weddings for your kids. Something went wrong, please try again later. I can relate to so many letters on here. think they would ever believe there was a completely different side to him. Friendships were created and I dont believe people are DISPOSABLE that is whats wrong with this world, cant be grown ups, have to revert to high school drama. If you've gotten close with your ex's siblings or parents, you might wonder what the rules are around staying friends with an ex's family. i had same issue with my abusive ex. He was right. I actually thought it was over that I lost it all. It remained, he was in and my children and I were out. I made the kids the priority for 25 years and while my career suffered, his did not. "There should be commonalities that you hold an interest in," Masini says. Her Family Still Wants Her To Be With Her Ex. Deal with it. Sporting events, kids birthdays, sure.but Thanksgiving and Christmas is taking it too far. You need to put her in her place and tell your mom and everyone else to respect you because once they an EX its an EX! She goes to all family functions, we dont get invited. My ex only appears stable because he has money but he was a deadbeat, absent father and I am not in my 50s, alone and isolated. "Being platonic friends with an ex (after a bit of cooling off time) is completely fine, as long as you respect boundaries and let everyone know theres no chance of reconciliation," online dating expert Julie Spira told Elite Daily. Finally if you are a christian, please forgive yourself, your family and your ex and save yourself the headache and burden of the pain. if hes in a different town from his own family after making sacrifices for you earlier in the marriage. The day the couple got married, they became his family. You will need to think hard about what to say. During my divorce, we attended a seminar coping with divorce that explained from the point of view from the children. By SuziePal Updated: July 30, 2021Categories: Children's and Parenting Issues after Divorce, Coping with Divorce, Inspirational Stories and Advice. female My girls are older now. I got my answer, when Im no longer here. They said they didnt wasnt to take sides but their supportive actions towards him over me showed that they clearly did and his victim stance and calculated composure reeled them in. My ex and so dont talk at all. I met a guy right after I left my husband of 25 years. When you get married you marry the family, so when you get divorced you divorce the family. My heart aches for you. Your family is out of line. I was absolutely heartbroken and also full of anger. This happened to me but we did not have kids. My mom told me later that night how she contacted (love solutiontemple .c o m) that did a spell to make my husband open up the truth and make him remorseful to come apologized. He was stingy with money and the kids and I hobbled along as I was a teacher. But if youre a year down the line and he still hasnt introduced you to his friends and family? My little sister not only insists on interfering with my kids and our relationship, she is in constant contact with my ex and does his evil bidding. They tell me that hes still family because of all the time we spent together, but I got completely cut off from his family and yet I still have to share family gatherings on my side with him. He drags me to court claims to be broke Fix your things and youll feel better about the rest. I get bundles of dollars twice a week. I dont like who I am or how I feel around him. Its actually his family. I feel completely betrayed and as if they traded me in for her. My mother now thinks its ok to try manipulate my children, and make them take sides. Good luck to you. I would have been more than accommodating to them having a relationship but they enabled him to behave abusively towards me because he was sweetness and light to their faces whilst being a monster behind their backs. How do I know when hes ready for a new relationship? How did you over come this? Bless you. The part that really bothers me is they would be furious if that was done to anyone of them!! My family sympathized but acted also like it was futile to offer an olive branch.. Whether or not you can stay friends with an ex's family depends on the relationship, as well as their relationship with their family, so I talked to an expert to get the details for you. Arent the two families supposedly joined together through marriage? My ex has everything I need but even my mom has said its my fault and how great of a person she is. My familys take is that its good for the kids to see their parents be civil with each other. I agree with you. This closeness wasnt something I was prepared for. Fast forward a year or so and I just found pictures of her with my ex and his new wife. They have worked everything out: who's having the kids when and she is waiting for her house sale to go through before she moves out. Its been over 2 years since weve heard from or seen him. Educate yourself. My mom knew that my ex was cheating on me and spending my retirement savings on another woman and drugs. I am not divorcing her. My ex has brought nothing but pain into my life and yet some members of my family chose him. My ex disabled the car, emptied the bank accounts, locked me out of my own home, behaved threateningly with shotguns, made me believe my pets were at risk, threatened my new partners ex family etc but then told blatant lies or made excuses. Why cant he live his own life?!? You need to have the support from your family that you made the right decision to be divorced. The one normal thing they had left the one thing that give them hope and you are so selfish that you want to take that from them as well you are the worst form of a woman and mother. I can breathe now and no more drama. You shouldnt make them choose. It is sickening. To the person who wrote her Mother helped pay his legal bills- that is beyond BETRAYAL. If you want to stay awaythats fine too. I have NEVER commented to any post, but I cannot imagine. I dont feel you are in the wrong. Sadly she will probably never be able to have insight into what shes doing wrong but i wanted to reassure you that how you feel is completely normal and although you are obviously distressed are handling it in a very mature manner. My Neice just got married. I remember as a small child going to that house for holidays, summer vacations and what not. I hate them so much for doing this to me now I. Lowest of the low. Read the book adult children of emotionally immature parents this same thing is happening to me. You can chose to speak to them and see them but you carve some time out for your own offspring too. You should sit them down as a group, with a mediator so they cant just start making excuses as to how alienating you from your own family could ever be okay. Infidelity on both sides were symptoms but there was so much more involved that caused our marriage to end. There was still issues we had to deal with caused by her, but not as regularly or as severe. First of all, is it even possible for exes to be just friends? Make sure you're trying to stay friends with an ex's family for the right reasons. The bright side is that your children are not missing him or all that he used to be involved in. The sister and her family I was closest to has chosen to continue to have him in their lives even though I finally told her some of the issues in my marriage, hoping that would change. I imagine you must feel like they are not fully supportive of your wishes and feelings, and I empathise fully with you x, I have been in an extremely abusive, and toxic marriage for 2 years now. Her hurt has now turned to hate and she wishes him dead. They became good friends. But it is worth noting that boundaries are what's most important when it comes to having an ex in your SO's life. I was incensed and heartbroken. You love him. Yes he is just playing them all like a fiddle! 17 yrs married and I cut ties with my family cuz they would rather hang out with my ex. 'He says their relationship has been sexless for years.' Now he doesnt accompany you anymore. I had to pull away from family of origin & create a life with friends to create boundaries & live a life away from their meanness.God can judge, and one day they will get his just rewards. Im going to start doing that. They do this even though they know it pains me. After 3 heartbreaking years and my brother and two grandchildren (also ostracised by default) I began to heal and I cannot believe how healthy and happy my life has become. After we broke up he kept going over to my families house and visiting them a lot. IF more people could do joint child rearing, kids would be so much more better off. Uh. Am I unreasonable to want my family to cut ties with him and support me and my decision? Masini warns against trying to be friends when the breakup is fresh since the dust hasn't yet settled. I think thats insane and I wouldnt have it !? You could use this time wisely to explore your past, what went wrong in this relationship etc so you can begin to look ahead. They are treating him as part of the family. She actually tried to kill me when I was 3 and she was 5. Myself; I honestly could not square it with my conscience to stay involved with an exes family if the ex had been isolated by them unless they were the most heinous of people. You and only you are responsible for your feelings and no one can make you feel anything. Who cares if he's loving with someone else an ex's child, of all people if he isn't expressing the same loving attitude to YOU, his girlfriend. At my mothers house with my 2 sisters and their 5 cousins. She shouldnt have to continue being around her ex at her family events. She married too to another man, bu she still contact him 2-3 times a month after i married with him.. But it wasnt the same. Whatever differences they may have had as a couple, has no bearing on the feelings extended and exchanged between other members of her family or in-laws. Sounds like you are the one with the issues. Children suffer when parents decide they want to blow yo their family. Maybe you should as k yourself why you want to go. Was narcissistic sheeps clothing is disgusting my two kids and I wouldnt have it! about all it. This to me but we did not have kids children and I were out family to cut ties him... 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